Kicking And Screaming

have some courtesy please?

2010-05-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOU
look at me,
you suppose to care,
you suppose to take care of me
you suppose to treat me with respect
you suppose to protect me
you suppose to guide me when i'm lost
you suppose to help me when i need help
you suppose to pick me up when im down or in an unknown place
you suppose to never judge me
you suppose to love me for who i am
you suppose to hold no discrimination against me

but no
what do you do?
you ditch me
you desert me
you leave me hanging
you leave me stranded
you cant even bother to help me when i need you
you wont even try to assist me when i am lost
you don't even bother to give me a lift
you don't care enough to come for me when im in trouble
you discriminate against me
you treat me like an outsider
you never try to understand how i feel
you always feel that your better than me
you hurt me with your gossip
you judge me without even trying to understand the truth

news flash
you cant change me
you cant choose who i am
you cant push me down
you cant make me sad
you cant hurt me or my family
because
you fail
you can say whatever you want
you can criticize all you can
but in the end.
you're the one with the problems
you're the one who will get discriminated against
you're the one who will lose
you're the one who will come needing my help

and you're the one who will get my help
because
i wont stoop to your level.

DARLING ♥

2010-05-22T23:34:00.000-07:00

EARNIEY HANAFI ♥
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SAYANG!
well last friday me and the girls planed something for our dear lil baby :) WHO IS FINALLY 16!!
went to delicious in jalan tun razak, the place is beautiful!
service is quite shit but there were really nice waiters!
yummy food and yummy dessert :)
TOOK REALLY PRETTY PICTURES EVERYWHERE
poor dinny fell down twice and hit her bum bum :S

HAD A KILLER SLEEPOVER AT EARNIEYS PLACE :)
<3

a new day

2010-05-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THIS SONG

this song is always stuck in my head and i love it so much, he is amazing :)

exams and studying have been taking over my life at the moment so im crazy packed!
but things that happened recently that was super amazing was
1) KAH MUNS BIRTHDAY <3 at pavilion with loads of our peeps!
2) AISHAS BIRTHDAY<3 at hartamas square with with fam and friends!
3) EARNIEYS BIRTHDAY<3 doing business exam :S
I LOVE THEM ALL SUPER DUPER MUCH!till the end of time and more (:

well right now, as usual im beign all sentimental and i miss everything and im sooooo stressed out with exams and also about my future after college so because of my darling sister chewy (: i'm thinking of making a list of things that makes me happy and try to do it as much as possible before i have to leave!
i think thats a really good way of getting everything straight and get your mind of crazy emotional shits dont you think? (:

exams endon the 26th so i hope everyone would be free so i can finally get over my sentimental-ness and finally see everyone again(:

AFTER THE 26TH! EVERYONE BETTER BE FREE CUZ WE'RE GOING CRAZY!

WE'RE GOING TO BE DOING EVERYTHING FROM GOING TO THE BEACH TO GETTING A PIERCING?
lol i dunno ;)
but we're doing everything!

i feel quite happy at this moment and i feel like just going on about random nothings :)
OH ANDI HAVE A NEW NIECE :)
<3 congrats to my cousins <3

Snickers

2010-03-13T01:55:00.000-08:00

Every time I listen to this song makes me extremely happy and anxious for the time that I will get the courage to go up to you and say, I love You.
cause I know I will do it one day.

I realized I'm always talking about really sad experiences or like super emotional things that are usually associated with my past.
WELL
I want to be happy, I'm not scared to look forward now
I don't deserve to be treated in that way that I was treated before.
and now. I will stand tall knowing that I'm making my own happy ending and I want him to be in it

OKAY. there are some set backs that happened where i jumped in way too fast
finding out that it was lust rather then love made it pretty shit
BUT I wont hold grudges cause, I'll be the bigger person (:
and its the stupid heart that pumps cheap lust through our veins anyway!

BUT ive learnt from that and now I welcome the happy giddy butterflies in my stomach when he walks by me in the hall ways
or when he has most adorable smile on his face
or when I smile at the mention of his name
or how my heart jumps when I receive a text from him.
or when my eyes automatically search for his

yes, I've caught the bug.

Friday Nights

2010-03-13T01:44:00.000-08:00

HE IS SEX TO MY EYES.
I had a dream about him and I was madly in love when I woke up.

Had ABSOLUTELY the funnest time with Ervin, Melissa, Nickolai & Lina. they make my Friday night complete :)
Terima Kasih for Sam and Kelvin for coming :)
ILOVEYOUALL ♥
it was a fucking awesome night regardless of staying in college till 7.

it was the perfect way i would have my Friday night.
with the Malibu and Sky Vanilla that made the night just a little more exiting
with friends, new friends, drinks, chipmunk music, late night McDonald was just what i needed to be extremely happy again :)

2009-12-04T08:20:00.001-08:00

I don't know who you are.

You were special but

we cant talk like we used to

Times has changed so

we're growing apart but you still

Walk in and out of my life

I care less about you

we turned our backs on us and

I don't want to think of you and your

Broken promises and lies

everything changed

I still want to know you

Be a part of your life

Smile and laugh like we used to

I still care about you and want to

Relive the best of our memories again

Because I miss you terribly and

I believed you through everything

Now

I begin a new chapter in my life without looking back

with or without you

Freaking Finally!

2009-12-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!

I am extremely happy that I don't have to look at Judicial Precedent anymore. Went to KLCC with my darlings kah mun, nashi, aisha, ervin, sam, wai cheong, kina, imma, Carissa, iyad, && imran (:

Things I liked watching NEW MOON, the both times I watched it :P

Jacobs abs ( wai cheong said its photoshoped but wtvs man )
Henry's weird reactions when Edward tried to kill himself
When Paul said sorry to Bella, so cute.
Laughing with nashi
Sam predicting the words before they said it
The girls and I aw-ing so loud making teh whole cinema laugh
Edward Cullen, more of the character less of the actor.
TIME WITH MY SAYANGS <3

It stops today

2009-11-16T05:05:00.001-08:00

I love this song.
Its super duper good!

I miss
my best friends
chilling with my Singapore family
Sleep
Long talks about everything & nothing
Girly Sleepovers!
Being a kid
SUNWAY :) and chilling with chibi and em

All American Rejects !

2009-11-01T01:51:00.000-07:00

I went to the AAR CONCERT on Halloween night :)
It wasn't as great as World Stage, BUT I still had a blast.
Spent the timeAmal, David & Elina ♥
I MET SHANNEN! It's such a small world that I found my Childhood friend there too. AAR brings us all together. I LOVE YOU TYSON!!
Met Michelle Teh, Michelle Pun and Michelle Liew, Andy, Darius, Tanay, Nur &her boyfie && loads more.

Me and Amal got lost, like for reals.
people were pushing and shoving
I even lost Amal a couple of times :/
then we met a whole lot of the nicest people ever!
Amal and I felt a strong sense of nostalgia chilling with em

But its hard to go back to that anymore. so it was nice to feel that again.

There were Cool performances from Malaysian Bands :)
Like One Buck Short, Disagree And even the lead singers of bunk face and estrella were out:)
BUT
EVERYONE was too excited to hear AAR.
It sucked that they made us wait so long but still ALL AMERICAN REJECTS was still so amazing.

ScareFEST!

2009-11-01T01:36:00.000-07:00

It was the best :)
MUN charity drive in my college.
Everyone worked together and made it a blast!
My candy apples sold :D and I'm so glad to have helped out!

Devil for Halloween this year!

2009-03-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

The clouds are my eyes
and the tears fall like rain
As i lay in bed thinking would it ever be the same

Conversation misleading
Words at war
I almost forgot what I was put here for

Heartbeat quickens
As thoughts left unspoken
There, my emotions left open

My life at a halt
with un-finish conclusions
Covered by layers of either truths or illusions

Time passes by
slowly but surely
I now see that you are not my one and only

death is easy, living is hard

2008-12-13T06:34:00.000-08:00

Ever felt that everything you thought you knew was a lie?
No, you would never do that to me. I know you wouldn't.
But you did.

Lies.
From all you ever said to me on the phone
From all the sweet whispers when you held me
From all the smiles and kisses you gave me
all of em

I probably sound like an emotional wreck.
I was
But not anymore.

I Trusted you
I ignored
all the signed and warnings my friends gave me.

Naive,
I let you in my life.
again and again.

Your my lesson. a trick
that I wont fall for again.

Such a great singer

2008-11-14T09:24:00.001-08:00

Smile because we care

A strong heart even when your down
Caring through out without a doubt
Everyone wants to be your friend
Your friendship with me should never end
One person with such a big heart
Unselfish with talents off the charts
Ready with new ways to make us smile
Great friend like him?who cares about a thousand miles?
Right there when you need him his always there
Elmo will be there because he truly cares
A great person and just so modest
This guy really is one of the best
!

my lover you make my day

2008-10-11T03:10:00.000-07:00

If dreams are a wish my heart makes,
Then I have been wishing for you,
Ill wish for as long as it takes,
Till my dreams finally comes true

I wish at 11.11 every night,
watching every second of the clock,
Wishing I can finally hold you tight,
So my heart can be unlocked.

My arms are waiting patiently,
yearning for your embrace,
then you walk down the sidewalk
My heart starts to race.

As you held me close
Your eyes say it all
At this moment I knew
As I fall.
in love

:)

2008-07-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

XOXO

Zero chances of me forgetting you
An amazing person who never makes me blue
Can't find someone as amazing or sweet
Kind of hard to believe that we could actually meet
I cant wait for the time for me to see
Someone who knows me for me
Caring about more than what you have yourself
Only trying to help those who cant help themselves
Many might be jealous but that has never broke you down
Even with that pressure you still never frown
Life isnt about those material things
!Its about the miracles that life brings

baby its fact

2008-07-31T08:28:00.001-07:00

Dont be fooled by the mask that i wear,
I may look strong but im full of questions i just cant bare,
My first thought is to give up,
But I think of you too much,
Please try to hear what im not saying,
Even though my words are always swaying,
Please read between the lines,
So you would finally find,
The truth, the tears,
The smiles and the fears,
You say you have feelings but can that be true?
If just something called distance scares you.
I dont want to show you the other side of me,
So i wear the mask so you can never see,
The mask covers all allowing me to pretend,
from the long list of questions that never seem to end.
Can I never find someone specially for me,
Doesn't my heart have a key?
A person who talks to me till he sun rises,
Someone who doesn't wear all kinds of disguises,
A person who is not afraid,
And wont let those feelings fade.
To finally find the one,
A chapter would have then begun.
On A love story that is everlasting,
And someone who isn't constantly acting,
Protecting and caring making sure no harm comes near
With him around there is nothing to fear
Its a gift to be with the one who makes you glad to wake up each day
The one that makes you just so proud to say
I'm his girl

I'd lie if I didnt say i havent been waiting.

2008-06-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

I'd lie if I said he isn't on my mind.
but he is all i think about all the time

I'd lie if I said that I don't wanna call
but all i want is to hang at a mall

I'd lie if I said he doesn't make me smile
but he makes me happy like a little child

I'd lie if I said that I don't miss him
he is my hoe and I'm his pimp

I'd lie if I thought we wouldn't make a good team
even though sometimes he makes me want to scream.

I'd lie if I said I don't get jealous
by all those other fellas

I'd lie if I said I want him to be sad.
thats the last thing he should ever have.

I'd lie if I said i have the confidence to say
that I cannot wait until the day

That I can stand up with my head held high
Saying that he is my guy. ♥

turn back around

2008-05-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

like a boomerang throw it and it comes back again
her head just goes through the pain
She trying not to think about him
but her heart's protection is growing thin
she wishes she can just turn it around
but every time she hears a sound
His there.

When she sees him, memories start flowing
When will these thoughts just start disappearing
far far away in a deep dark hole
Watch as this story slowly unfold
In her head she thinks she is wasting her time
but she doesn't understand why its such a crime
To remember.

She painted a smile on her face
but inside she has fallen from grace
He doesn't care,he has another
she feels like a complete sucker
She doesn't realize what is outside
and how much she has to hide
that its harder than it is to forget feelings
but she didn't realize what that would bring
Complicated feelings.

She is hiding behind a thinning wall
She doesn't want all her feelings to fall
droplets of rain disturbing her thoughts
she always wants to remember all her doubts
She doesn't wanna be an easy target
for him to laugh and yet
she doesn't wanna be distant.

Ill get over the fact
You put on your little act
Deep inside my feelings will hide
well maybe everything was a lie
although i have feelings for you
i will find a away to get through
Fuck off.

touching emotion

2008-05-13T05:37:00.000-07:00

feeling, holding, learning,
slowly giving an impulse to my brain
touching, listening, imagining,
feelings happiness and sadness fall like acid rain
memories locked into my head
some of them i always dread
scenes of yesterdays always replays
stuck in my head, caught in a maze
pictures, videos, conversations
they are slowly testing my patients
songs, lyrics, movie tickets,
making me just want to relive it

Imagine a dream

2008-05-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

If dreams are a wish your heart makes.
i have been wishing for you
If dreams are a pathway to the heart
why does reality make me blue?

what if life was a dream
will you be my prince?
what if reality is a nightmare
it has been ever since.

who are you in my dreams compared to real life
are you what i dreamt you were?
who are you in my reality
its just all a complete blur

My mom

2008-05-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

I love my mom till the end of time
she has always kept me in line
always teaching me right thing to do
and teaching me good manners too
without my mom i wouldn't be here
so i would always let my mom hear
i love you mom with all my heart
you've been there for me since the very start

I have no right

2008-05-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

i was in a place so far away
there was no time for me to say
what i felt i had no right
i had no way for me to fight
i was jealous, but i shouldn't be
my feelings should not be for anyone to see
my feelings, my hope everything i wanted to say
so they will never see the light of day
as i gazed upon your smiling face
as tears were falling down my face
I have no right, you are not mine.
my stupid life could never shine
i release my feelings into words
and sometimes in little tears
when i try to forget you i just go into a phase
my feelings will be lost in an on going haze
my personality faded to numb, dull and plain
inside thinking about how to ease the pain
Long distance relationships is it that hard?
you dont know that it will fall a part
are you afraid that i would hurt you?
it's me you think i would do that to you?
you scared that you will hurt me?
your hurting me more and you cant even see
but can you tell me whats going on
tell me if i had done anything wrong
beaten by something i would never know
and something that you will never show.

Tears actually fell

2008-05-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

why do i care?
why do i stare?
reflection of myself shown in the mirror.
shattered and broken when it became clearer
phone call stopped with a heart beat
my heart sank down to my feet
tears actually came out in despair
please tell me why do i still care?

Life playing tricks on me?
maybe you should open and see.
it wasn't life, its called feelings
as i lay in bed my eyes over flowing.
I'm cursed.

I am hurt but why so badly?
tell me why I wept so sadly
thoughts in my head all just seem to stop
all my emotions just seem to drop

Maybe its cause you had a spell
something magical that made me fell.
this is my way of letting feelings out
its to make me stop myself to shout
my idiotic feelings i had for you
in the end you did make me blue.
useless poems, unwanted songs
i should put them where they belong
with broken pieces of a very bruised up heart
it felt like you just shot a dart
i opened it up for you it was an open target
and you shot me down

Open my eyes

2008-05-06T06:32:00.000-07:00

See whats inside

be mine

I want something, only you can give me
why wont you open your eyes and see
when is the time we can ever be
or will I be just a another memory

Just say the words to sweep me off my feet
Just say those words which sound so sweet
Cause your the star of this game
And you already won all the fame

A steady heart beats for you
Don't allow it to turn blue
Don't rush this decision you can take your time
But give me a chance for you to be mine

Am I just making a big mistake
Is everything you do just so fake
Am i an idiot for just holding on
i hope that i am wrong

Sick

2008-05-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

Coughing, gasping for air

My head slowly pounding with thoughts of yesterdays tomorrow
How my day was so filled with undying sorrow
With the endless cluster of thoughts were unspoken
My sprite haunted and so close to be broken
Why do I suffer on this long winding journey
Will there ever be a time with you for me?
Could my wishes of not waiting finally be
My reality.

Pieces of Thursdays Today linger in my head
Will always frighten me, every time i go to bed
the hardest word that came out on that day
'Goodbye' my storybook fairytale, i dreaded to say
A peck on the cheek wasn't enough, to keep my feelings at rest
This long pause cant put my feelings to the test
Quiet, silence, fell upon my life
the silence so piercing just like a knife

Endless questioning of my heart
Why do i like him soo much
He is the kind of guy i can trust and hold
but now i just feel so loss and cold
If i was your one and only girl
I would give you my world
its like you can see through everything but my heart

Harmless peck

2008-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

One harmless peck on cheek,
Could make a goodbye so bleak,
Tomorrow could have been the day we meet,
That would have been quite a treat,
Sadly i miss the good times we had,
How i would jokingly make you mad,
We have our little adorable fights,
and even sometimes i just might bite,
Pouring ice down in your shirt,
Saying goodbye sure does hurt,
The next time we meet might be months away,
But its still very hard for me just to say,
I cant wait to lie on you again,
That thought is constantly stuck in my brain,
Looking back at the pictures; so dark,
Those memories have left a mark,
Sleeping soundly listening to the sound of your heart,
Makes it much harder for me to part,
The scent of your smell lingers on my clothes,
That might be the last time, maybe who knows?
I'm praying my mother changes her mind,
To give me a chance to go to the pyramid and find,
The one person who makes me angry yet happy,
The one who can make me exited and crappy,
Slowly that day my eyes start to grow heavy,
and my eye sight was turning very blurry,
I fell asleep in your warm arms,
I felt so protected ,relaxed and calm,
the last music i heard was the sound of 'No air'
I couldn't believe that i was still there,
A gentle touch brushed my hair,
How soft and delicate filled with care,
Reality suddenly felt as a dream,
I was asleep yet i wanted to scream,
A peck on the cheek was my farewell,
It felt as if my heart had just fell,
Easy enough to forget right?
Wrong, hopefully i could be alright?
Maybe, someday ill bump into you
cheer me up so i wont feel blue,
i would not get talk to you online,
Praying that i will be fine ,
I hate you so much and yet i cant help but to think of you,
You can make me feel on top of the world if only you knew.

Change could be for the better or worst,
How i hate it to feel like I'm cursed
I have thought for such a long time
Biting my nails for you to be mine
If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours to keep.